Updated: Jun 8, 2018
** Disclaimer - All posts from "restaurant" are written by anonymous 3rd parties. I am simply giving them a space to breathe. As a restaurant owner, I find it to be extremely cathartic! If you have a story that you'd like to share, please email WhitneyLeeThompson@gmail.com
"I am a chef. I have been a chef for my entire adult life, but it was not until I moved to the south that I had customers request special orders. I have always worked in fine dining. No one is asking Thomas Kellar to put the sauce on the side, right? Surely that would end with the customer being thrown out and black-listed, but here, it's like every fucking ticket has special prep! I shit you not, "caesar salad with no onion, sub ranch dressing" is a regular ticket that comes to my line. What the fuck is that? It's just lettuce, cheese, and ranch. Go home, you animal! Or what about a "filet mignon, butterflied, served well done, sub noodles for mash, 86 veg." How can I ask my crew to make this shit? And the best part is that after these fucking morons order their meal, exactly the way they requested, they don't like it! You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that salmon should never be battered and fried, but I will do it for you, you fucking moron, because I know that you've watched so many episodes of "Chopped" and "Top Chef" that you think you have as much training as me! I went to culinary school but fuck me, right? Because I'm getting customers asking for "not too much truffle" on their plate. Bitch, do you have any fucking idea how expensive truffle is?! Why the fuck would I waste it on you? You must be insane! If I had the money, I would run a place where we never had to do special prep. Thanks to Yelp (fuck you, yelp, you fucking bullshit piece of trash) I am forced to bend over backwards for customers in order to receive good reviews, but the integrity of my kitchen is gone! The South Park episode on Yelp changed my life. I have never and will never do anything like what they did on the show (boogers and cum), but I wish customers understood how much time and consideration I put into every single dish. Removing even one item changes the entire flavor profile and frankly, it's insulting. I work my fucking ass off creating these recipes, only to be bastardized by my consumer. The next time you go out to eat, I don't even fucking care if it's McDonald's, do everyone a favor and don't change the order. Eat shit the way it was designed to be consumed! Or as an alternative, if you want to eat a rack of lamb, 86 red wine glaze, sub grits for mash, sub truffle frites for veg, STAY THE FUCK HOME AND COOK IT YOURSELF! You are a dick and every single person in the entire restaurant hates you. Even the ones that you have no interaction with. We are all talking about what an ignorant piece of shit you are."
J. - Georgia