Excuse me while I clear the spiderwebs from my keyboard. It's been a while since I have written, or even posted anything anywhere. A month after having my first child, COVID hit. My restaurant in Tennessee was forced to close. We had to move to a new state, open a new business, and put together a whole new life with our newborn.
I don't think that my intention was ever to distance myself from the media, but dealing with so many unknowns, my life became more about survival than subscribers. I needed to make sure my son had as much of a "normal" upbringing as possible. I needed to make sure that the weight and stress of it all didn't shatter my marriage. I had to prioritize what is real and important in my life, and it turns out that it isn't being paid to sell you guys lipgloss, or underwear, or tanning products, or anything just to pay the bills. I don't want to fake it with you. I don't want to fake it with anyone anymore.
But, is that enough? Am I evenly remotely interesting or funny without the gloss and glitter? That question has kept me away from the media. I keep getting offers from companies to work together, but I don't want to fake it. I mean, that is literally a model/influencers job, but I'm so over pretending. I just think that life is too short. Getting paid to tell people that I use products does not excite me. Posting photoshopped videos and images to make other people feel inferior, it makes me nauseous. And I'm not innocent here. I still use filters and wear ridiculous makeup when i post, but that's more about me having low self-esteem than trying to set unrealistic expectations for others (even though I know it does. One step at a time...) This will undoubtedly cut into my son's college savings, but I am so mentally sickened by lying to the public that I genuinely just can't do it anymore. Or, I can, but I won't.
I miss writing, but I have changed since the pandemic. I experienced a lot of fear and pain, as I'm sure we all did, and the scars are burned into my brain, my heart, and can undoubtedly be seen in my writing. I have started so many posts and they just didn't read like the old Whitney. Even looking back at my last couple blog posts, I was so obviously distraught, trying to sound relatable and normal. I was clearly not okay. So, I am going to continue to write, because I used to find it therapeutic, but I ask that you bare with me, because I am not the same person that I was a couple years ago. Thank you for your time and support.
**Oh, to catch you up, my family lives in Panama City Beach, Florida. We own an ice cream shop called The Pink Pelican. I also had another baby boy (more on that in another blog)! His name is Tristan and he's currently 5 months old.
Commentaires